Dry Eyes

By: Roger d. Stewart

Today I watched a short video piece about a little girl who refused to ask for anything for Christmas except for her daddy to come home from Afghanistan. As she sat on Santa’s lap he asked her again if there was something else she wanted. She said “No.” Then Santa took off his beard and revealed himself to be the little girl’s daddy.

            It was obviously a very emotional moment – even the news anchor was broken up by it. But, I looked deep in myself and there was nothing there: no emotion, no feeling, no tears. My eyes were dry.  That introspective encounter was and remains frightening for me. I shouldn’t be that way; a man of God has to feel emotion and have some of himself invested in the joys and sorrows of his fellowman. But, inside me there was nothing at all. If this had been an isolated incident, I wouldn’t worry much. But, it has become all too common. It is more often my reaction to emotional encounters than not.

            Can it be that I truly have burned out? Am I just tired? Is my heart that far gone? More important still, is it too far gone? Can I still recover, or will I continue to spin out of control until I crash? Or is it just that I am too old and been around the block too many times? I don’t know. But, I do think it is time to quit; time to do something else.

            I asked myself what I could do about my hard heart and came up with no answers. I still don’t know. There is a song written by Keith Green that seems to speak directly to me. It describes my heart to the letter. The lyric calls on God to do the softening and restoring. I pray for that as well.

My eyes are dry, My faith is old
My heart is hard, My prayers are cold
And I know how I ought to be
Alive to You and dead to me

But what can be done, For an old heart like mine?
Soften it up, With oil and wine
The oil is You, Your Spirit of love
Please wash me anew
With the wine of Your Blood

            If I were to take a forensic look at my heart problem, I think I could find many places and people where I could place blame, but that would do no good at all. My biggest concern is and should be, what to do about it. How do I restore my spiritual life and breathe new life into my soul?

            At this point, I don’t think I can. I think I am too far-gone. I think the Lord has to do it for me and the first thing he is calling for is a change of scenery; a new venue; a new address. I don’t think God is through with me, but I don’t know what he has planned either. Like Paul and his companions as they were tossed about in their little vessel, I’ll just keep bailing water, lightening my load by throwing things overboard, and praying for daylight. 

             Here’s my heart Lord…